for self:

thanks God:
best-friend, wanchien, jean, cherie, butt, liping
music, choir, championship, gwh, his protection before Graz, SINGING
my family: daddy mummy tingting, the flat, everything we are
the rain, the clouds, the sunrise and the sunset, pretty flowers, cutie kittens, delicious chocolates
LITTLE PEOPLE
okay job, hwachong
my life and my alive-ness, purpose
good books, good movies
mrts, random lifts home, taxis
christmas, everything about it
love, it and its meaning and its presence
grace
mercy
hope
YOU

bahh back from malaysia
i re-re-bonded my hair and cut bangs NOW IT OFFICIALLY LOOKS HORRIBLE hahahahah
nvm lol hair only will grow out, as i always console myself :(

i'm blogging from Malaysia! it's been ages since i've come back, two years to be exact! things haven't really changed much. i guess i've come to an age whereby nothing really changes very much anymore. the scenery remains the same, the feelings remain the same...

urm yeah! so we left the house at 630 to avoid the morning peak hour and jam, so we ended up reaching the JB bus station at like 8 when our bus was scheduled for 11 >< hahah so we slacked around and waited and everything. when we finally boarded the bus i was so tired i slept for the better half of the journey. then i woke up halfway feeling super urgent but hahah the toilet stop was over so i had to like bear with it for the rest of the journey lol long bus journeys ,____,. i reached my aunt's kampong house place at around three, so i just slacked and slept and watched tv lol. i bet you're thinking to yourself now what a waste of time hahah i totally agree!

then after that we went to the pasar malam which here in malacca opens every tuesday hahah that was pretty cool but not without the usual hussle and jostling around hahah my mum was complaining of a headache HAHA the evils of urban living. i think we've gotten so used to cleanliness and like orderliness that i feel rather unused to the uncouth-ishness of the place. hahah not that the people here are uncouth though. i saw this ah soh carrying a bag of veggies (yes they sell veggies as in raw veggies here at pasar malams heh cool right) and i was thinking okay so where did she park her bicycle? then we walked behind her and to my amusement she opened the door of a nissan and drove away HAHA never judge a book by its cover, much less a person by her clothes. lol.

anyways this is something i've been thinking about: how on earth do cultures fuse? like what culture do i belong to? singaporean? which is essentially influenced by am br chi malay ind and unique? ><><

okay i shall go watch korean drama now HAHA BYE WOULRDDDD :D:D:D

randommm

i forget things too easily. i wish i could keep a recorder with me and take down everything that happens. all the sights, all the detail, all the sounds, all the scents, all the people, all the expressions, all the emotions. i wish i could.
i'm going to malaysia tomorrow! visiting people, this time in a different context. and yes offred, context is all (or is it ripeness quotes laiyee quoting). everything will turn out okay i have faith in big guy up there. i miss you my dearest BEST FRIEND you know who you are if you're reading this i loveee you muchhh and i wish i were there with you! (not that i don't want to be where i am/will be going but still) and also eh friend check your email i emailed you!:)
right. so now i pack up my things and those emotions and then i'll be ready to go!

i need you J.... i want to run into your arms again, and feel your warm embrace.

just to feel your arms around me
just to know your grace has found me
just to hear your voice surround me
calling my name

that is why i live
that is why i move
that is why my heart cannot go on without you

just to stand beside you knowing
your promise that you're never going
never leaving, always holding
holding my hand

that is why i sing
that is why i cry
that is why no other love but you will satisfy

something i realised yesterday

ever wondered why when Jesus died for us on the cross the image was so gruesome? the nails in His hands, His feet, the blood, the crown of thorns..? its because He has to pay the wages for our sins. and the wages of sin is death. in His eyes, our sins are as hideous as how we see His wounds to be hideous. and you know, the thing is, when Jesus died for us, His wounds are not just hideous, they pain us. we pity Him, even non-believers. there's something tugging at our heartstrings, and it pains us even though we don't understand why. is it pity? is it sympathy? what about when Jesus looks at the sins we commit? they are to Him as hideous, but unlike what people may believe, He doesn't hate us for them. no, of course He doesn't. if we felt pity for Him even before (or after) we know Him, what do you think the Perfect Lover would feel towards our sins? i think He feels pain beyond what we can imagine. in fact, i would think that because He loves us more than we can ever love Him, He feels even more than what we as humans feel.

forgiveness

thank God for the timely timely reminder of forgiveness. even though before this i was tempted to really just end everything for once and for all - all the pain that it ever caused, all erased. But yes thank God.

what i learnt at service yesterday:
1) forgiveness for another is challenging especially when you can't find it within yourself to forgive. But its precisely God's forgiveness and grace that makes it possible for one to forgive another. not because i can, but because my heart is over-flowing from God's grace :)
2) Forgiveness is exactly that. given, a gift. forgiveness is never deserved. just like how God offers His forgiveness regardless of how much we sin.

amazing grace, how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me,
i once was lost,
but now am found
was bound, but now am free

hi this is seok and this is my new blog!
lol lame. but i need to post something for the layout to work so.