My Author and Perfector

by God's grace and for God's glory

2010-04-06T18:03:00.001-07:00

today Tueston commented on my status! i wonder how he is doing and how he is coping with life in the army. Dear Lord, may You bless this old classmate of mine, may You take care of him and his mum, and i pray that they will have a life that although may not be smooth-sailing, they will still be able to find joy in You. Lord, i ask that you will give them hearts that are soft towards you, that they will be able to recognize and acknowledge the vacuum in their hearts that desires after you, and i pray that you will place people in their lives to help them and be with them and to lead them into Your Kingdom. Lord, i pray for these people in their lives, i pray that You will anoint them and give them the words to say, Holy Spirit work in them so that Tueston and his mummy may receive salvation one day. thank you Father for what you are going to do.

I thank God for His blessings! as usual, i am writing this here because i know that people who know me don't usually visit this place, and if they do, it is by DIVINE COINCIDENCE and God wants to tell you if you are here today that this is HIS WORK and that JESUS LOVES YOU ;)

in any case - i got my stats test 2 results and comm fund results! i did quite well for stats despite not having studied much due to good friday weekend and 3 tgif parties and service... but God honoured my work for Him and i did well! see, the quiz works this way: its an online quiz, so there is a pool of questions created, and in order that not everyone gets the same questions especially if you sit next to each other, they choose 10 qns for each person out of the pool. and i got 10 very easy questions!although i didn't know how to do 3 of them. haha. so in the end i got 8/10. praise God! its so amazing! you know i was telling God, God, i don't really care what people think of me as long as You think well of me, so it doesn't matter even if i do badly because i know my hope is secure in You. I'll just study all I can and i shall leave the rest to You. so the thing is that God was very nice and He helped me so much! the thing is that God can only do something in your life if you decide that you want to let Him. so its no use saying God help me with this and still try to cling on to it and not let God work. like you say to someone please help me add coffee into my sugar and you refuse to give the person your cup of coffee. quite silly i know it sounds but its true. so i learnt that God desires to help us and He desires to give us what we want in life - but we must first give it up to Him and allow Him to work. and definitely, easier said than done. but thank God that by His grace and promises we know that God works for the good of those who love Him(it says so in the bible)

i have a busy week ahead; i had to re-schedule my jap class because friday there's suddenly a meeting.... so my week looks like this now:

wed: stats group meeting, choir

thurs: renew passport?, jap class make-up

fri: econs tut, econs test, meeting

sat: choir, jap class

sun: church, SOL1

mon: written report due

tues: comm fund presentation, stats project due

so busy! God grant me strength!

easter sunday, resurrection!

2010-04-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

i always say that i want to revive this blogging thing. i think i need to try harder...

this is old news by now, but i want to give thanks this easter sunday.

i thank Jesus that He was tried and He had to go through fear and intimidation so that we can be set free from fear and intimidation. I thank God that Jesus had strength from God to go through this so that we can receive this freedom.

I thank God that He is the power of salvation and I thank God that sw has been saved. I don't think he reads this, so it should be pretty safe for me to put this here. I'm so so glad that God has touched him and that he decided to accept Christ. you know, accepting God as your personal Lord and Saviour means so much more than just making a decision to acknowledge Him as God. it also means that you want God to come and take over your life and you want His will to be done. its very humbling to say that someone else knows how to live your life better than you do, but its true. because God's plans are perfect and His plans are to prosper us and never to harm us, we are always able to trust in Him. this truth is so awesome to know. i thank God and i pray that many more people will be able to come to know the redeeming love of Jesus. in retrospect, i feel that maybe i should have spoken to him more about God. the thing is that all the people i love, i find hard to bring to God. maybe because i'm not the best testimony for Him. like my sister, it only occurred to me to bring her to church when her friend jiangyin started bringing her to church, so i guess i'm quite fail at these things of loving people. but i know that God's grace is sufficient for me in everything, and that i don't have to kick myself over my inadequacies because it is sufficient when i am willing to let God work through me and use me.

i hope i get accepted into bible school because i want to learn more about God and His word and I want to love God more and more and more and more and more. I want more of God in my life and I want to share His goodness with everyone I love! so, if i ever talk to you about God, or offer to pray for you, or bless you in the name of Jesus, it means that i love you :)

the coming week is going to be very busy and i pray for strength and sustenance from God, Holy Spirit lead me and guide me in all that I do, that I may be able to glorify your name. Lord, your Kingdom come, and Your will be done, amen.

a flower a day keeps the sads at bay :)

2009-05-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

I would love to hold a camera everywhere I go, and capture all the moments of my life. The exciting occasion, the lovely flower, the beaming child, the boring moment - all these are to be treasured. :) to be able to keep all these in my memory, under lock and key of images captured. How nice it would be. I do not want to forget anything, not even the most mundane, for I can see, how a few months down the road I will look back and try to remember what life was like once. Just like how I can't really remember what school life used to be like. Finding my way around in misty cloudy pictures of loneliness, not remembering the strangers' faces I used to see along the walkways or corridors - the odd Science student, surprised to see a Humanities student out of her Humanities shell.

I am not a very good example of a Christian. I get angry at people easily, I don't love all the people I know, I'm not very patient with those who get on my nerves, profanities spill out when I'm not careful. Please don't judge my God for who I am. It's precisely because I am a sinner, that I need a Sinless God to come and redeem me. Although I am not perfect, please give me time. Like what yHope always likes to say, we are all still 'work in progress'. Reading my blog will tell you that I am far from being the perfect person I was meant to be. I am still discovering what it means to be a perfect person, to be a perfect daughter to the perfect Father. But I do know that God = Love, and this is why I am still believing in Him. He gives the most wholesome, perfect, selfless, patient, forgiving, graceful love.

should not have

2009-05-12T23:50:00.000-07:00

This is -the- sunflower which pleasantly surprised me after solving two hours worth of challenging math problems. The boy is so so thoughtful and sweet. :)

should not have read, should not have gone back to lj, should not have missed what I've left behind.

should treasure the friends I have, should find the place I truly belong to (for life), should get a hold on my emotions, should read more and sleep less.

I fought with him again because of the invitation. I decided not to bother anymore, so be it if he wants his way. This is my life - not his. Then I remembered how God says Do not murder, and that if you anger you are already commiting murder in you heart, then I felt bad about it.

Today's bible quote of the day on fb was "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." [Ephesians 4:32] - BAH God :(

go jiu go la you she me liao bu qi de. qu le ye shi lang fei shi jian. But I musn't go with this mentality, otherwise what he said would become right. Terrible.

And, no more need to fit in. I want to be myself.

yay kids :)

2009-05-10T07:25:00.000-07:00

Ceri :) my k2-kid - she was the only one who turned up for lesson today, it was raining in the morning and i think the other two children couldn't wake up :( anyway, she's cuter in real life. She's extremely intelligent and I adore her very much.

Today I sat beside the rubbish bin outside the station eating Mr. Bean ice-cream. I like Mr. Bean ice-cream very much. If I ever need cheering-up, Mr. Bean ice-cream will always do the trick. :)

I am not very happy today, but I will try to be happy tomorrow. :)

2009-05-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

It seems that everyone is taking stock of life these days. Sometimes we all rush into things without thinking, and its only when we stop to take note that we realise that we've forgotten to appreciate and enjoy the process of things. I think I committed the same mistake, looking for a job straight upon graduation - forgetting to take time for myself, to get back in touch with God and to tidy up my life before cleaning up and moving on. I'm worried that one month is not enough for me to trash out the clutter before I fall into the rat race and competition again.

At the same time, I want to acknowledge that the process is as important as the result. The juniors are going onstage on Tuesday. As much as I'm worried for them, I'm excited to see how they will grow and learn through this experience. It's often the people who are in it that don't see how precious the experience is. I remember how trying Graz was, but even more vividly in my memory is how we went for it together, enjoyed it together, won together and cried together. You see, at the end of the day, it's not the hurt you go through that you remember, but the sweetest memories that you retain. And that's what's beautiful. If anything, choir has taught me never to give up. As simple as that. To never give up. And to believe that as the Hwa Chong Choir, we are strong enough do just that - to strive and fight and to never give up.

音乐的美，在于它能最直接地展现人的情感和想法；透过音乐，学生与我更深一层地彼此了解，而在一小节、一小节地雕琢我们心中完美的旋律的过程中，一点一滴地建立了对彼此的信任与关怀。我能感受到他们对我的尊敬，我相信他们也感受得到我对他们的爱。

One year later, I realise what kw means when he said that it is love which binds Miss Lim's choirs together.

I was telling kw today that i want to take the 5 years that he'll be away to learn more about love. Love that cannot be experienced in everyday life, i want to experience. I want to volunteer at old folks' homes, kindergartens, orphanages, home for the disabled - anything that means love. I pray that God will lead me.

I really love children. Today when Ceri, Chloe and Afiq hugged me, my heart really melted. Expecially when Afiq jumped into my embrace, with his charming radiance and exuberance. Perhaps this is the innocence of youth I have begun to miss. This is what made me realise that there is so much more to life than just working and earning money, striving hard and working towards a goal - all these are important, but what would life be if you don't do the things you want to? I am determined to experience all forms of love for myself.

i miss You very much. i want to come back to You.

i am online

2009-02-12T09:01:00.000-08:00

it seems that the periods between which i post are so longgg and far apart that everytime i try to post again i have to reset my password because i don't use this account enough to remember it by heart.

i never come online very much more these days because i am too busy; i want to think of myself as too busy. also i think i have neglected catching up with the people around me. i need to catch up with (yes, phoebe, you.) Phoebe Chengggggzzzzz and kelly and butt and cherie and gohjeaniewoonie :( i miss you all very much sianzzzzz.

i want to read gone with the wind but i cannot seem to find it in the library. also i think i'm getting to the romantic part of sense and sensibility. also i like atwood's poems muchly yes please.

also i think my blog layout is very Terrible as there are weird words on the buttons. i do not know how to make it look better. i shall wait for Lee Kun Won to re-emerge into the world after field camp before i seek his expertise. i think i shall also demand that he removes my face from the wall. i am afterall not keen on showing the world my hid*cough*ou*cough*s expression.

i have ranted enough.

very good.

next entry, i promise to be more normal next entry.

taking stock

2009-01-19T05:48:00.001-08:00

gah its been ages since i last posted i think i ought to get back to journaling my life but well i do have a red book for the Best Friend so yeah. if you are reading this you probably know also that i'm working in an unnamed tuition in the middle of Jurong East and therefore am obscenely busy because my working hours are insane so yes i am sorry that i haven't been able to get in touch with you :(
for self:
1) the reason why God put me here where i'm working now. i need to pray about being able to attend newyearseve service and church on friday nights.
2)the way you treat ppl = the way they treat you. more importantly the way God would treat these ppl
3) buy introduction to psychology/the idiot's guide to psychology/learning more about psychology
4) revise physics and unearth the textbook buried eons ago
5) LOSEWEIGHT
6) grow hair out
7) 23rd!!!
8) stop forgetting birthdays
9) be more loving

people to catch up with:
1) the butt
2) the ex-sheep
3) my cherie armour
4) her and her BF (again)
5) BEST FRIEND ( :(:(:( )
6) CHEN JIAN YI
7) CHOIR PPL IN GENERAL esp ALTOS
8) that girl

pictures to take:
1) of workplace and its surroundings
2) of the people i go out with
3) things i like but never have the chance to take photos of

maybe i ought to blog about the things i read one day

for self:

2008-12-21T07:44:00.000-08:00

thanks God:
best-friend, wanchien, jean, cherie, butt, liping
music, choir, championship, gwh, his protection before Graz, SINGING
my family: daddy mummy tingting, the flat, everything we are
the rain, the clouds, the sunrise and the sunset, pretty flowers, cutie kittens, delicious chocolates
LITTLE PEOPLE
okay job, hwachong
my life and my alive-ness, purpose
good books, good movies
mrts, random lifts home, taxis
christmas, everything about it
love, it and its meaning and its presence
grace
mercy
hope
YOU

2008-12-17T04:36:00.000-08:00

bahh back from malaysia
i re-re-bonded my hair and cut bangs NOW IT OFFICIALLY LOOKS HORRIBLE hahahahah
nvm lol hair only will grow out, as i always console myself :(

2008-12-09T04:35:00.000-08:00

i'm blogging from Malaysia! it's been ages since i've come back, two years to be exact! things haven't really changed much. i guess i've come to an age whereby nothing really changes very much anymore. the scenery remains the same, the feelings remain the same...

urm yeah! so we left the house at 630 to avoid the morning peak hour and jam, so we ended up reaching the JB bus station at like 8 when our bus was scheduled for 11 >< hahah so we slacked around and waited and everything. when we finally boarded the bus i was so tired i slept for the better half of the journey. then i woke up halfway feeling super urgent but hahah the toilet stop was over so i had to like bear with it for the rest of the journey lol long bus journeys ,____,. i reached my aunt's kampong house place at around three, so i just slacked and slept and watched tv lol. i bet you're thinking to yourself now what a waste of time hahah i totally agree!

then after that we went to the pasar malam which here in malacca opens every tuesday hahah that was pretty cool but not without the usual hussle and jostling around hahah my mum was complaining of a headache HAHA the evils of urban living. i think we've gotten so used to cleanliness and like orderliness that i feel rather unused to the uncouth-ishness of the place. hahah not that the people here are uncouth though. i saw this ah soh carrying a bag of veggies (yes they sell veggies as in raw veggies here at pasar malams heh cool right) and i was thinking okay so where did she park her bicycle? then we walked behind her and to my amusement she opened the door of a nissan and drove away HAHA never judge a book by its cover, much less a person by her clothes. lol.

anyways this is something i've been thinking about: how on earth do cultures fuse? like what culture do i belong to? singaporean? which is essentially influenced by am br chi malay ind and unique? ><><

okay i shall go watch korean drama now HAHA BYE WOULRDDDD :D:D:D

randommm

2008-12-08T08:08:00.000-08:00

i forget things too easily. i wish i could keep a recorder with me and take down everything that happens. all the sights, all the detail, all the sounds, all the scents, all the people, all the expressions, all the emotions. i wish i could.
i'm going to malaysia tomorrow! visiting people, this time in a different context. and yes offred, context is all (or is it ripeness quotes laiyee quoting). everything will turn out okay i have faith in big guy up there. i miss you my dearest BEST FRIEND you know who you are if you're reading this i loveee you muchhh and i wish i were there with you! (not that i don't want to be where i am/will be going but still) and also eh friend check your email i emailed you!:)
right. so now i pack up my things and those emotions and then i'll be ready to go!

i need you J.... i want to run into your arms again, and feel your warm embrace.

just to feel your arms around me
just to know your grace has found me
just to hear your voice surround me
calling my name

that is why i live
that is why i move
that is why my heart cannot go on without you

just to stand beside you knowing
your promise that you're never going
never leaving, always holding
holding my hand

that is why i sing
that is why i cry
that is why no other love but you will satisfy

something i realised yesterday

2008-12-04T18:03:00.000-08:00

ever wondered why when Jesus died for us on the cross the image was so gruesome? the nails in His hands, His feet, the blood, the crown of thorns..? its because He has to pay the wages for our sins. and the wages of sin is death. in His eyes, our sins are as hideous as how we see His wounds to be hideous. and you know, the thing is, when Jesus died for us, His wounds are not just hideous, they pain us. we pity Him, even non-believers. there's something tugging at our heartstrings, and it pains us even though we don't understand why. is it pity? is it sympathy? what about when Jesus looks at the sins we commit? they are to Him as hideous, but unlike what people may believe, He doesn't hate us for them. no, of course He doesn't. if we felt pity for Him even before (or after) we know Him, what do you think the Perfect Lover would feel towards our sins? i think He feels pain beyond what we can imagine. in fact, i would think that because He loves us more than we can ever love Him, He feels even more than what we as humans feel.

forgiveness

2008-11-30T01:23:00.000-08:00

thank God for the timely timely reminder of forgiveness. even though before this i was tempted to really just end everything for once and for all - all the pain that it ever caused, all erased. But yes thank God.

what i learnt at service yesterday:
1) forgiveness for another is challenging especially when you can't find it within yourself to forgive. But its precisely God's forgiveness and grace that makes it possible for one to forgive another. not because i can, but because my heart is over-flowing from God's grace :)
2) Forgiveness is exactly that. given, a gift. forgiveness is never deserved. just like how God offers His forgiveness regardless of how much we sin.

amazing grace, how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me,
i once was lost,
but now am found
was bound, but now am free

2008-11-29T07:26:00.001-08:00

hi this is seok and this is my new blog!
lol lame. but i need to post something for the layout to work so.